One of the first steps in mastering the art of healthy communication is to learn how to listen so people will talk. Improving your ability to listen so people will talk is a key step in helping you to use your influence to change your world.
Improving your ability to listen so people will talk also enhances your skills to use your positive influence to change your world for the better.
The way a person structures their communication gives you valuable information about how to structure your communication in response. You can recognize communication needs by noticing communication style.
Before I can tell you about needs-style, I need you to make an important distinction between behavior and personality. I want you to avoid the trap of putting people into personality boxes and then treating them like your box is their personality. Why is it a trap? Because personality is a generalization, based on limited information.
Behavior changes, depending on variables in the communication environment. People have a variety of behaviors to draw on, depending on who they’re with, what’s going on, and most importantly, what’s important to them at any particular moment in time.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, ‘Think outside the box.” Here’s my version of that. “Don’t get in the box in the first place.” In future posts, I’m going to share with you a model for quickly hearing what a person needs in their interactions with you. It is not based on personality types. It is based on behavior, and because behavior changes, you are required to keep paying attention in order to notice those changes.
A thought to start the week with:
Change your mind. Change your life. Change your world.
Dr. Rick
Related Posts:
1. Are You A Change Artist?
2. How to Improve Communication: Four Steps
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Rick(y)—
I hope you don’t mind me saying hello—it’s definitely been awhile! It’s fairly amazing your name popped up recently in a magazine while waiting for an appointment. I can’t even remember what article I was reading, but it listed your book Dealing With Difficult People. So I was curious and looked up your name on Google. Boy—page after page—good going! I’m really happy for you, to see how much you’ve done these past twenty (?) something years! I also listened to an interview you did on the radio and was very inspired by it.
Since I last saw you (the fun river trip)—I’ve lived in Sacramento, Los Angeles, Hawaii (a second try), and now San Diego. During this time, I got back into hair and worked as a stylist, then became a flight attendant, and now I’m a first grade teacher. I really wanted to go to school, and I’m so glad I did. I work at an inner city school and have the greatest class. First graders are so funny!!! I love teaching—the kids are pure joy. I have so much fun with them.
Anyway Ricky, keep up what you’re doing—it’s really good stuff!
Dr. K’s Blog is great.
Also, how is it that you and Ricky B. still look exactly the same??
I’m proud I know you.
With love,
Toni
Toni, gosh, couldn’t be more happy to hear from you and I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog! I hope you will keep reading, I’ve got some really cool stuff lined up for future entries. I think the article was in Good Housekeeping, though I haven’t seen it myself, I did quite a few interviews with a writer there who was crafting a story.
Stay in touch, be well!
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