Comments on: How Do We Resolve Conflict With Others? – Reply To A Reader http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader Change is inevitable. Progress is not. YOU make the difference. Fri, 03 Sep 2010 22:36:31 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Dr. Rick Kirschner http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader/comment-page-1#comment-3716 Dr. Rick Kirschner Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:32:02 +0000 http://drkblog.com/?p=2263#comment-3716 <a href="#comment-3715" rel="nofollow">@rita</a>, Great, let me know what comes of it! best, Rick @rita, Great, let me know what comes of it!

best,
Rick

]]> By: rita http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader/comment-page-1#comment-3715 rita Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:51:47 +0000 http://drkblog.com/?p=2263#comment-3715 <a href="#comment-3714" rel="nofollow">@Dr. Rick Kirschner</a>, thanks Rick, that was a good point for me to understand, in general!! I will follow this hint/advice. best, rita @Dr. Rick Kirschner,
thanks Rick, that was a good point for me to understand, in general!! I will follow this hint/advice.
best,
rita

]]> By: Dr. Rick Kirschner http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader/comment-page-1#comment-3714 Dr. Rick Kirschner Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:14:44 +0000 http://drkblog.com/?p=2263#comment-3714 <a href="#comment-3711" rel="nofollow">@rita</a>, Rita, thanks for the question. It's a bit too specific to answer in kind on this blog, but I can give you the gist of it. Most persuasive communication is persuasive BECAUSE it starts with listening. Seek to understand the needs, motivations, and values of this 'fighter,' and you may learn exactly what his concerns are and how what you wish to have happen can fulfill those concerns. Or, you may gain enough access to his goodwill as a result that you can thank him for his interest and concern, and then ask him to wait til' it's over and promise to evaluate the result. Or draw him out, find out the details of what he wants, and then learn if it's actually been done before. I promise you this: If you start with your point at the beginning with someone who thinks they have a better idea, they won't be listening to you except to mentally credit themselves for having a better idea. But if you start with his point, draw him out until he feels heard and understood, he may actually hear you better when you tell him about your interests and concerns. Make sense? best wishes, Rick @rita, Rita, thanks for the question. It’s a bit too specific to answer in kind on this blog, but I can give you the gist of it.
Most persuasive communication is persuasive BECAUSE it starts with listening. Seek to understand the needs, motivations, and values of this ‘fighter,’ and you may learn exactly what his concerns are and how what you wish to have happen can fulfill those concerns. Or, you may gain enough access to his goodwill as a result that you can thank him for his interest and concern, and then ask him to wait til’ it’s over and promise to evaluate the result. Or draw him out, find out the details of what he wants, and then learn if it’s actually been done before.
I promise you this: If you start with your point at the beginning with someone who thinks they have a better idea, they won’t be listening to you except to mentally credit themselves for having a better idea. But if you start with his point, draw him out until he feels heard and understood, he may actually hear you better when you tell him about your interests and concerns. Make sense?

best wishes,
Rick

]]> By: Dr. Rick Kirschner http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader/comment-page-1#comment-3713 Dr. Rick Kirschner Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:09:11 +0000 http://drkblog.com/?p=2263#comment-3713 <a href="#comment-3709" rel="nofollow">@Linda Davis</a>, Hi Linda, thank you for your comment! Clearly, YOU GET IT! :-) best wishes, Rick @Linda Davis, Hi Linda, thank you for your comment! Clearly, YOU GET IT! :-)

best wishes,
Rick

]]> By: rita http://theartofchange.com/wordpress/persuasion/dealing-with-difficult-people/how-do-we-resolve-conflict-with-others-reply-to-a-reader/comment-page-1#comment-3711 rita Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:45:37 +0000 http://drkblog.com/?p=2263#comment-3711 Hi Rick, there´s a little challenge I am facing at work. When cooperating with some co-workers within the EU, I found out about a few things going wrong/not done neatly. Some Employees would not follow some rules by customer 100% and that caused costs. Now there is a new location I am dealing with and I try to make those new people understand to follow some rules right from the beginning to avoid any of such extra costs - like the company met in the past. So far, that works well, but now there´s ONE good fighter popping-up in this crowd who thinks he can improve such rules/things which aren´t improvable at all. They are to follow strictly. That person is on a little higher position than I am, Q.: how can I "convince him/make him understand" that it is more effectively to follow those instructions than start a fight against "x" for nothing? If I get to the cost-point right at the beginning, it doesn´t seem to work.... Any good idea?? Let me know - thanks! Hi Rick,
there´s a little challenge I am facing at work.
When cooperating with some co-workers within the EU, I found out about a few things going wrong/not done neatly. Some Employees would not follow some rules by customer 100% and that caused costs. Now there is a new location I am dealing with and I try to make those new people understand to follow some rules right from the beginning to avoid any of such extra costs – like the company met in the past. So far, that works well, but now there´s ONE good fighter popping-up in this crowd who thinks he can improve such rules/things which aren´t improvable at all. They are to follow strictly.
That person is on a little higher position than I am, Q.: how can I “convince him/make him understand” that it is more effectively to follow those instructions than start a fight against “x” for nothing?
If I get to the cost-point right at the beginning, it doesn´t seem to work….
Any good idea?? Let me know -
thanks!

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